I m sitting here thinking
The question strike me, as I was reading the morning news paper. The paper still had the, what I like to call as, ‘The Crunch Factor’. I had just woken up and was enjoying my hot Coffee and reading the newspaper this morning.
My head was buried in the newspaper reading about the success of MOM or Mars Orbiter Mission, making me a proud Indian. I looked up when he asked this question. I managed to make a sound from my mouth. “Ugghh??”
“I asked, do you believe in god?” My friend who lived with me in our apartment asked me this. He was his usual self, today morning, till he asked this question. He is not the kind of person who thinks much. He just kind of lives the day as it comes. Future plans don’t seem to interest him. He is much more of a ‘Live in the present’ person. Also, I must mention that he is a complete atheist. He has no faith in god. He believes that there is no destiny. What we do is what we get, that’s is attitude in a nutshell.
I gave back a thinking look to him. “Well, he surely must.” I said. “Otherwise who would think of making beautiful women for us!” A chuckle escaped my mouth.
He gave a light smile. ” I believe that God is a Man’s creation. If man didn’t exist, there would have been no one to start this concept.”
“I disagree. I think Man has the brains to identify that there is a superior being other than us. God was always there. You just need to see where he is. It is a question of belief as well.” I replied.
“If god were there then why hasn’t he or she or it has shown us the real form. I mean no one has seen god. Why is that? If god exist he must show a proof, right?” He argued back.
“Wrong. God exists and it has already shown through by creating this wonderful planet. It has shown creativity by creating this universe. Lets just say that it is a higher being whose existence is marked by the beginning of the universe. And all the stars and galaxies that are existing shows that it is there. I mean something must have triggered life in this universe. Something greater than the universe itself. What I am trying to say is that, Creator of this universe is God.” I replied back. I was hoping that this would maybe subdue the conversation about god. It is a very personal matter of opinion.
He didn’t answer back right away. It seemed to me as that he had started to think about something. I started to wonder what made him ask this question. I was looking at him. His body language was different today.
“Is something wrong?” I asked.
He looked up. He looked a wee bit startled. Maybe I interrupted his thought train. He blinked at me a couple of times. And then he said, ” I had a weird dream last night.”
“What??” I asked and sat up straight. Some thing was bothering him. I wanted to know what.
“I think I saw God in my dream. It’s quite weird, but I am sure of it.” He said. He had this air of uneasiness around him.
I got curious. ” Really?? How did you know that it was God??” I asked.
“You said it is a question of belief. I think I believe that it was god.” He replied.
“But you don’t believe in god .?? A belief as strong as yours changed with in one night and all it took was a dream??” I asked him.
I knew I was needling him far more than I should have. But I was curious to know what happened. This guy was a strong atheist. All his life, he was like this. And one night changed it all. This was quite incredulous. I was definitely interested.
He kept quite. He was still thinking about something. He finally replied, ” I saw some one die in dream. Some one very close to me. I felt very sick. I was crying. And I had this uncontrollable feeling that every thing was going wrong.”
I kept looking at him. “Then ???”
“I was feeling that I had lost everything in life. And there was no hope. Then suddenly from somewhere, some one touched me. Some one put his hand behind my back. And it felt great. Suddenly I felt good. I needed support and the touch healed me. I started to grow more confident. I suddenly knew that everything was going to be all-right.
When I woke up, I realized that it had to some one much superior to human. Some one who took all my pains away, and gave me the power to look at difficulties and come up victorious.”
I kept looking at him. I knew what had happened. I had the answer. But looking at his face, his confidence, and his new faith in god, I decided to keep quiet.
” I am glad that you felt that it was god. It is nice to hear it from you.” I said, smiling.
The matter ended there.
What had happened last night was, my friend in his sleep was obviously having a bad dream. And he was making all sort of weird noises in the middle of the night. I had woken up due all this noise. Just to calm him down, I went up to him and touched him on his back and slowly gave him a reassuring hold on his back. He became quiet the next instant and began sleeping peacefully again!!
Well it started one morning on a rainy day. The college buildings were half wet and half dry; a beautiful sight, there was this sweet smell of wet sand, drops of water on leaves which sprinkle down on you when you shake the tree. I was walking through a corridor next 2 the Assamese department on the way 2 my department. I was sent 2 meet my HOD for throwing chalk on an irritating staff. “Dude stop”, one of my friends’ interrupted me, “Don’t irritate us with description of leaves, trees and their barks, come to the girl directly”. I started. My eyes fell upon a pair of pipette and burette, or rather the girl holding it. Her lovely eyes were watching the drops of liquid falling from the burette intently, her heavenly face was getting anxious on seeing the professor nearing her table.
My heart fluttered as a smile broke on her face after an appreciation from him, the most beautiful smile my eyes had ever seen. The dimples on her cheeks were like blackholes to me, they were sucking me out of this world. My eyes had seen their most beautiful woman. I dragged myself to the HOD’s room. When I came out I was wondering about the feminine voice of my HOD, the dimples he had. I smiled; effects of love. Someone patted my back and asked why I had barged into the CSE HOD’s room as I was from ECE. She was a hot tempered lady. I grinned broadly, effects of true love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was the third time I saw her this week. Every time I saw her, I was hearing a beautiful symphony in the background. I felt she looked at me and smiled, but then girls are like paintings; they seem to stare at you from which ever angle you look at them. I saw her in the canteen, in the mess, in the library, every available place on the campus. I decided it was time to talk.
One morning I came early to the college for practice and I saw her alone walking along our department corridor behind me. Suddenly she walked fast towards me (my heart raced) and asked, “where are your bunch of friends who keep on
playing some symphony behind you when both of us nearby?”
Oh god! And she kept talking. She said, “I liked you very much the moment I saw you in the college”. I stared at her with my eyes wide open. She continued, “I would like to be friends with you if you would not mind. And by the way do you know my name”.
I shook my head saying a no. She extended her hand for a shake and said, “My name is …………….”
It suddenly started raining and I was out there jumping in joy. I was the happiest person in the planet that day. And suddenly….. “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh”!!!!
“A**hole get up, and pouring water on me while I was dancing. It is time to go to college”.
I woke up and thought about talking to her today…….
Well here I m again with one more story from my college diary.
I was waiting for someone in my college lobby. When I got the attention of a boy rushed towards two girls (junior) standing nearby notice board.
The girl said “Why don’t you understand, I don’t want to be your friend. I can’t accept it. Leave us alone” and strictly denied to accept the rose. The boy replied in his tone “ARE LE LIJIE NA, HAMARA ME NA BURAI HAI, FULWA ME KAUN BURAI HAI” (Please accept it, I may be a bad guy but what’s wrong with the flower).The boy proposed a girl for friendship and she denied; the boy kept on insisting for about 15 minutes. Finally I decided to intervene to rescue girls but before I could move, the boy said sorry to the girl and left. I stopped at my place. Suddenly the boy returned to the girl and gave her a rose with a humble appeal.
And to my surprise she accepted the rose…………….
How do I tell you about my feelings for you
Oh my dear! I am longing for your feelings
There are feelings in my mind i can’t tell you
I feel sad that we live so far away from each other
All I can do is write all my feelings onto pieces of paper
and I can tell you how much you do means to me
When I think of you my feelings twist inside me
and turning into tight and tangled with your love
Oh my love nothing is sweet than your feelings
Let my eyes feel your love through your eyes
I did not choose my love, love choose me
Because your love is shown in me with faith
I feel your love has no boundaries with me
and allows me to carry you to the silent land
There I want to hold my feelings with you till the end.
Well, here it goes…… I don’t know what m I writing. At least I thought of writing something, I am not reading type of person anymore; so the field of literature is still strange to me. I am not telling this because I want to establish my writing as a literature work or anything. I am not writing this to spend my time or anything because I have a very tight schedule or at least I am making the world believe that I am very busy. I am just writing because I felt like it. It’s not a sin to write, is it?? Hey this is not erotic literature or anything. At least for now it isn’t. Really I need to decide what I am writing. I can’t call it just writing till the end of my work. Well guys actually I don’t know what I am writing because I don’t know it that’s all. I started this because I wanted to express myself, an emotional outburst or something like that. Don’t wish to go to physiatrist for that. You can be my physiatrist if you have the patience to read this piece of sh*t. So you must think that I am lonely person, don’t have girlfriend or anybody to share my thoughts with. Well you are not wrong, But I do have a bunch of caring friends anyway. Well that will take care of the “dedicated to” part of my book. No one will complaint about why I didn’t put their names in the dedicated to part now. Wow…. Didn’t you see that the word just came out of me? I am going to write a book for crying out load. Whoever thought that a regular person like me will end up writing a book?
You guys are so lucky; you are not going to read a passage nor a paper nor any article from me. You are going to read a whole book written by the great me. Well then the next step is I have to find a name for my book. You guys who are reading my book will see the name at the cover page, but just for the facts, this is the part when I started thinking about giving a name to my book. Let’s see what should I give to this bunch of nonsense. … Eureka…. No that’s not the name. How about “Altu Faltu”(non sense)? No, that won’t work. How will I ask a publishing company to publish my Altu Faltu.….?? Ok guys the name is not yet decided. You will find how I discovered the name as you read on. But surely I am going to save this in my computer as Altu Faltu.doc. Well at least I got a name to save my book in my computer. That’s pretty much of an improvement, isn’t it? Two paragraphs completed in a day. Not bad for a lazy ass like me. Well I feel proud again. That’s the second time I feel proud after I started writing this. I am really starting to like this. If it goes like this … well in a year or so my book will be born. Tears are rolling down my eyes as I started to think about… um, I will cry out loud if I got a Nobel for this. Which, will happen never. Well it doesn’t hurt to say like that. Hey, it’s my book don’t I have the right to write anything I want to.
Well guys really can’t stop writing. I am back in front of my pc. I happened to read “how to write a book” by Scott Berkun. Well the truth is I actually searched in the Google about writing a book and came to see his website. I think he is a famous personality, but I am hearing about him for the first time. I really like his way of writing, it’s not that I have much to compare to. I just liked it. Well after I started to write this book. I find certain changes in me. I am actually reading a lot than before. Reading a paragraph will be a lot in my case, because you know why, reading was not my thing. Now I am happy, even if I didn’t complete this book I will turn out to be a good reader for sure. I was just visiting Mr.Berkun’s website and I read almost two essays written by him, including the essay about how to write a book. Well I am growing up, mentally. And thank you Mr.Berkun for your essay. It helped a lot.
After two days I am writing again. I gave this to my friend’s to read, to know their true review about my work. Really what was I thinking hearing true review from them? They will give good comments, no matter what the sh*t I have written in this paper. But one of my friend asked me was it some kind of preface for my book. I didn’t type chapter 1 or anything when I gave it to her. Then I thought about it and finally decided that this should be chapter 1, readers don’t really care about the preface, but I wanted all of you to know how I started writing this book. But from next chapter onwards no more blabbering like this, I am going straight to the topic guys if I could think of anything…….
Let’s see… What should I write about…? Well any Suggestions??
And the wonderful chapter 2 should start from here started still no special topic to concentrate in. I know that I didn’t keep my promise, but I am helpless here, I really couldn’t get any topic that I am fully aware off. Well I know a lot of things and I can talk about it, but concentrating or narrating about a single topic will surely make this book into a short passage. I couldn’t write more than two paragraphs about a topic.
Ooh crap… now I have to study deeply about something to write this book. And the one thing I hate in my life studying. Well it’s not the one thing I hate; I hate a lot of things starting from studies, vegetables etc… Well I think this book is becoming more concentrated on me. Oh no!!!.It’s becoming an autobiography. No I will never let it to be an autobiography, I swear. Who wants to read about an ordinary person’s life? Especially a regular life like mine. Well what’s special to say about it. I go to college, cut classes some times…. Oh sh*t I am going back to the autobiographical again… ain’t I? Well this has to stop here and I am not writing again till I find myself a good topic.
Well guys I give up after few weeks of searching for topics, I have established myself as a non book writer. Well books are not the thing for me. I should read more. I need to know about more things. I need new experiences, well lot of it. I am not ready yet, have to prepare myself more. Well the sad part is this work of mine will remain in my computer as a sacred treasure. Unless…. I publish it as a essay or something. Then I thought again… and finally decided to publish it as a short story. Surely it has all the qualities to be a story. It narrates the different attempts I have to undergo for writing a book.
So I declare this piece of sh*t as a story………right guys?????
Waiting for a bus at a Bus stand sometimes becomes really painful. But we should thank god for making a very good time pass for boys, staring girls! I was busy in enjoying this blessing of god while standing there. I was busy in rating girl’s view. Firstly I saw a girl from back. She was looking great, I rated her 8 out of ten but when she turned that 8 became 5. Then my eyes fall on another girl. She was 9 for me. This ended with the arrival of my bus. I picked up my luggage and ran in full speed to fetch a seat in the bus but all ended in vain and all seats got occupied. The bus having the capacity of 50 was filled with 100. There was no space left in between two person standing adjacently. I was struggling to stand properly and in the meanwhile from nowhere came the conductor. I gave him the money and finally got myself settled properly. In no time I again started to work on the god’s blessing and started my search seat by seat. There was only one girl and she was the one I rated 10. Gorgeous was her look, splendid was her dressing sense and marvelous was her style. My eyes were watching a goddess in that girl. Generally my eyes don’t stare a girl for more than a glimpse but this time my eyes were behaving differently. She was sitting on a window seat; her hairs were blowing in air as if wind was fighting to touch her. She was feeling uncomfortable with her hairs but wasn’t closing the window. Suddenly she stood from her seat and started to struggle to make her way out of the bus. Slowly she was coming to my position as I was standing near the gate. After some time she was just near me. Her eyes caught my act of staring her, so I broke the eye contact. Then she passed my position, while doing this her hand touches my leg. Oh, I was in heaven. Then she boarded out of the bus. I was sad. I don’t know why but this was happening with me for the first time. Is that what people call ‘Love at first sight’? I don’t know? When I was thinking all that someone shouted in bus “Oh Driver!, stop the bus. Someone has stolen my mobile.” Then another sound came “Oh shit, my purse also gone. Check all the passengers. Stop the bus”. In the meanwhile many passengers shouted and informed about their purses and mobiles. I searched for my purse and even my purse was gone.Then the checking started. Passenger’s belongings were with nobody. Then I recalled that the only passenger who gone out was that girl. That means that girl was the thief. That means my first “Love” was a ……………………