The Suicide Note

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Yesterday I came across an article on the net…. about an education institute where 20 students had committed suicide this year…. I wonder why??

Suicide is now becoming an easy option….to end this never ending struggle this is not a story of a Single guy, every day many Young blood are finishing their lives out of depression…

So, it’s a request to our elders to understand their child’s feelings and aims and let them do whatever they want because each child has a different talent and qualities , the only thing is that we have to understand them and motivate them and most importantly they want love and care. So that this inner silence is not able to take another life…..

Dear Amma,

I know you love me and care for me but there is something, I want to tell you for last few months. I will do anything you want, just for your smile because I also love you but there is something I m  missing in life, I feel my life is under the control of dad, I always have a very limited number of friends, i was allowed to make friendship only with those which dad allow me too…

Dad wants me to become a Engineer but he never asked me what I want to do in my life. I have always trying to work hard to secure good marks in exams just for dad and you but I was never happy from inside. I love to do painting and even created some good art piece for you, I wanted to show it to you but yesterday dad burnt all my drawings and painting sheets and warned me to concentrate on my studies.

Mom I don’t know what is happening to me, I want it to say all these things to dad but I couldn’t, my inner silence is killing me, my feelings are burnt inside my heart, all I wanted is to live my life according to my thoughts like an free bird. My silence is killing me slowly and decreasing my concentration on my studies, I am not able to concentrate in my studies. Sorry mom, I think I am going to disappoint you and dad. I don’t want it to happen after my result so I am finishing my life….

My silence is killing me, mom
Love you,
Your son
Amit

Afu Diary #14

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Life often put me in such a situation that it….make me fill like destiny never  wanted to see me happy….. I often lost the things which I want to hold it close to my heart….but…..

Dated 29-12-2015

I didn’t know break-up would be so easy for her and so disastrous for me. I still can’t believe it. It has clearly broken me beyond repair. For her it was simply like wishing good morning over the phone. For me it has been my worst nightmare. I wish I could delete just that one day from my life, just that one day.

She once said ‘Love is something which 2 people feel good for sometime… feel right’.

‘Sometime’ was too short in my case. Did she ever love me? Have I been used? Or am I intolerable and a pathetic person?

Unlike her I considered her more than a girlfriend. Loving someone too much can be one’s undoing. This should be the first lesson in school. I can only regret now.

She doesn’t even want to hear my voice or see me. What does she think of me now? I don’t know that. Rather, I don’t want to know that. My heart can only take so much. But I’m still holding on to her memories. They are all I have of her. Sweet as well as bitter memories.
I don’t know what happens to me next. My life is hanging on uncertainity. Will things turn out fine or will I be an unlucky soul?

Sometimes, only sometimes, I imagine her smiling face and it makes me smile. I remember anything funny she said and it makes my heart lighter. But all this lasts only for a few seconds, because soon after I am overcome with unbearable pain. I just lie on my bed till the pain subsides and try to put on a fake smile.

But, unfortunately, I’m not so good at faking happy tears.

I love you Afu
Your Hopeless Romantic

PS photo credit :: Google

Afu Diary #13

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Dated : 28-12-2015

The same story seems to repeats every morning…..

I wish I could foresee what was coming for me. No. I would not stop loving her then. I would just be more prepared for all this. She was prepared and took me off-guard. If I knew I would make each day with her count.

Ahhh….. I simply can’t explain the s**t what m I going through. I even try to understand where did things go wrong. Look for that one big reason which made her do it. I can’t stop thinking about it. Can’t let it go too.

What have I become? A psycho? Clearly I have become obsessed with her. Is it love? What is love to her? Is it care? Will she ever realise how much I love her? I can’t think of all these together. It kills me. It is killing me.

PS photo credit :: Google

Afu Diary #12

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Dated : 28-12-2015

It’s 3:17 in the morning…. Yet another restless night. Well! Not a bright start of my day.

To wake up every f**king morning and think of her is a torment. Every morning I wake up and my first thoughts are, ‘S**t! Another day! How am I gonna pass this? I should stop thinking about her. She doesn’t care for me. I shouldn’t too. I must be strong. I miss her. Miss her voice, her hands in mine, her suppressed smile, that funny mark on her face, that nodding of her head to every agreement ,that face she makes to every dislike, her tiny cute nose and some traces of hair on it, the dark lines under her eyes… Ahhh…..everything.’

Something I feel my fingers curling on their own and trying to grip hers. I realise she’s not here. Never will be again. At that instant, it feels all the oxygen has been sucked from my room. I struggle to breathe,literally. Sometimes, my eyes get watery. It makes me weaker, physically and mentally, everyday of my life. Then I tell myself ,’Don’t worry, just get up now. Don’t think of her. You are a very good man. You deserve better. Everything will be alright.’ I hope so……

PS photo credit Google

Afu Diary #11

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Dated 27-12-2015

Well!! It’s has been a week since the last heard her voice. 20 days since I saw her,held her hand. According to her, I should’ve been doing well by now. But I guess she was wrong, specially when told by a girl.

Well! I guess… She’s doing pretty good. Then why not me? Why am I writing this? Questions I have no answer to.

My first break-up. It’s not that I was dying to achieve it or I m very proud of it, I just didn’t realise it would happen to me. I guess nobody does, so lost in each other’s love. One doesn’t really give it ample thought as long as the fake promises and lies keeps the other at bay. Atleast it was true for me…. Afu

PS photo credit:: Google

Afu Diary #10

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Dear Afu,

Well there is no secret to you that I love you a lot. If truth be told, I feel that you are the perfect person for me i.e a cute naught girl, if you know what I mean. But I never had the courage to express it to you, hence this letter. You are beautiful, talented and smart. There can be no other girl like you in my life. I love you.
Yours Truly,
Ajaz….

5 DEC 2015: Well today I can say it was worth taking a off 4m…… well the most important thing was observing this cute vampire who just got me off guard…. I was simply attracted to her cute smile…. I just wish I had the healing spell to heal her leg wound…. She is sooo cute that I could die for her….well i just wander if she is the same girl I have been talking for the last one month…. Well I guess right!! she have thought I m not the guy she have been talking too…..this days…. Well at last I have found someone who can lead me or I can say someone who can bring the best in me…… I just wish she like my surprise….

PS photo credit :: Google