Afu Diary #08

Dated: 18-12-2015
I still remember her! Missing her voice badly…. Don’t have any idea if I gonna survive without her…or even fell in love again…. How can she leave me for someone else….ahhh

Flashback 13-11-2015

She started the most appropriate topic, asking me what did I think about ‘Love’ and ‘feelings’ and ‘relationships’.
I told her about my philosophy of love, feelings and relationships.
“You fall in love, you propose a girl, if the girl says “No”, you’re gonna meet your best friend, ride to some unholy place and lit a cigarette to burn your desires into ashes, and if lucky she says “Yes”, then you waste hundreds on mobile bills, put a big dent to your own pocket, kill your time, invite backlogs in bulk, kick your own ass and screw everything, and later end up with a break-up – ‘a loser’. Then you become room-sick, cry to yourself and tune-in to Jagjit’s songs “Jagg ne cheena mujhse mujhe jo bhi laga pyara…” I replied without a pause, without even taking a breath.

She laughed and didn’t stop at all. I too laughed but resumed to my ground state after about 30 seconds, but she continued for about a minute. In those extra 30 seconds I couldn’t understand whether I should wait for her to end this laugh with a brick-face or accompany her in laughing by exaggerating the effects of a joke… of a fact, infact.

I felt like this was the right time to tell her about my past relationship and without any second thought I told her about ‘Reya’ – my ex. She was quiet for a moment. Then she smiled at me and said “Past is past… forget that…”. This obviously made me happy as it confirmed that she didn’t have any problem with my past. During this excitement stage, I started pondering about “WHY” this made me feel happy? I mean “HOW” does it matter whether she has a problem with my past or not… Why I am telling her all this…? Who is she to me…? Isn’t she just a friend? Or am I dreaming something I never dared to dream…? What is this after-all? The perplexity of my own thoughts made me silent and dumb.
To be continue….