The Mindless Guy

Some things are far beyond our control. No matter how hard we try, we just can’t see them coming. Today, I officially declare myself as The Man. Not by choice. Not by want. Just by fate. Had no idea that it was going to happen..

I never set out to be The Man. I have set out to be many things in my life (A Businessman, A Writer, A Painter, A not so successful blogger) but everything that I have set out to become on my own terms, has failed. The things that I did not set out to become, that I became as a result of necessity, destiny or practicality (security) seem to be the things at which I succeed.

I live in a town but I prefer to call it a city. The reason why I prefer to call it a city is because no one waves here. People keep to themselves. In a town, it seems like strangers, acquaintances and friends are always waving back and forth at each other. Not here. I am working as an Office Admin, leading a group of mindful people. This is what I do in the city where I live.

I’m not spiritual or religious. I am not very interested in matters pertaining to psychology or the neurobiological aspects of brain functioning. Nor do I have a desire to have a huge number of followers. I try to do my job as perfectly as possible, without thinking much about my stress filled life.

For at least a decade, I had anxiety and panic attacks. I was depressed and angry most of the time. I was an alcoholic and habitual marijuana user. There were few things that I enjoyed more than numbing my unruly brain with substances. I was introduced to a few people who were serious mindfulness practitioners, started practicing with them regularly and in time the panic attacks, intense anxiety, depression and uncontrollable anger went away. Despite my skepticism, I was impressed that mindfulness actually worked for me. So I have stuck with it.

By no real effort of my own, it just so happens that I am able to teach others what I was taught. People can take it or leave it. This is as far as I go with my work as a mindfulness teacher. I don’t read much about mindfulness. I don’t go to lectures about mindfulness. I do not watch videos about mindfulness. When speaking with others I don’t refer to myself as a mindfulness teacher or psychotherapist and I prefer not to talk about mindfulness when I am not working. I just practice mindfulness because it helps me. 

Chapter 7

Dearest momo

I hope you find a love that supports you. Someone who not only supports your dreams but wants to see you do well more than you do.

I hope you find a love that will fight for you. Someone who will always be in your corner. Someone who will always choose you and the relationship you have. I hope you find someone who would anything to be with you. The type of person who won’t let you walk away but goes after you if you try to.

I hope you find someone who heals you. I hope you find someone who teaches you that you didn’t deserve what happened to you in the past.

I hope you find a love that appreciates you. I hope you find the type of love that never stops saying thank you. The type of love that even after a long time they are still impressed by what you do for them. Someone who truly values you for all you are and the person you make them.

I hope you find a love that’s your best friend. Your loudest laugh. Your biggest smile. Your number one fan. Your happiest memories. You deserve it.

Yours

Ajaz Ahmed

Photo Credit : Google

Chapter 6

So close yet so far, what’s is that longing to feel you next to me, to be able to lift myself up and reach your gaze, and reach you.

Sigh for those kisses, as you raise your arms to touch him, makes me want to reach your heart yet I will always be far away from you.

An eternal path to reach the heart of those who own their own.  A long wait until I see you again, impatient feelings stored inside eager to leave the body and expand in the vastness of the sky.

An ending that I always dream off, that I wish for, that I constantly repeat in my head recreating a situation that we yearn for to come true.

A dream that doesn’t fade away with time…

PS photo credit : Pinterest

Chapter 5

A walk to Remember

The glimpse my eyes caught of you,
That evening was certainly special.
The moon was charming in full size,
The clouds were stirring up the sky.

Your fragrance spiced up the night
The moon shined up throwing its light
And I followed your shadow
Together we kept walking for times

The zapping cars made the night so special
Every time a car passed by you
The hairs curled up your face
Making it irresistible for me to take my eyes off you

That stretch we walked near the lake
is still afresh in my mind
who knew that  small walk of ours
would bring the hearts this closer

There seemed to be a magic in the air
when you held my hands in your hands
Seemed like the cupid hit my heart
As I saw you blushing all the time

As the sun dips down in the ocean
I wait for the moon to shine up the skies
Whenever I look up the sky
I can remember our walk
And your face lights up in front of me….

PS photo credit :: Pinterest

Chapter 3

My Feelings

Sometimes, loving someone is quite a dangerous state of affairs to be in. It was pretty clear to me that she didn’t feel the same way as I felt for her, but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was the fact that as much as I couldn’t force her to love me, I couldn’t force myself to stop loving her either. While we were having coffee that day, we started having a conversation. And this was not the first time we were having such a conversation. We used to have such conversations almost every day….. and this remind me of a conversation we had last year:

She: What’s wrong with you?, You seem to be lost.

Me: I don’t know how to tell you but I like her

She: Then talk to her. You don’t need an invitation to go and talk to her, do you?

Me: I’m a bit incredulous, she would never pay heed to a guy like me

She: Don’t say that!

Me: I just want to tell her how I feel, that’s all I want

She: Then go and tell her, it is as simple as that

Me: She won’t like me. I’m pretty much certain

She: How, on earth, can you be so sure?

Me: I can just tell, it’s an intuition

She: Well, just go and tell her. We’ll see what happens after that

Me: What should I say? I tend to run out of words when I see her 🙂

She: Well, tell her how much you love her

Me: I’ve already told it to her.

She: What do you mean? (perplexed)

Me: I’m always with her and I tell it to her almost every single day

She: Ah, I can understand how you feel. I’ve had similar sorts of problems. By the way, who wouldn’t love a person like you?

Me: I can’t  tell you her name

She: Okay, leave it. Just tell me are you going to talk to her?

Me: Well, I just did 🙂

To be Continued…..

PS photo credit: Pinterest

Chapter 2

The Cup of Coffee

Coming back to the present, my cup of coffee had taken me back in time. It reminded me of the friendship we shared. Her friendship too was pretty much like a hearty cup of coffee: Strong, sweet and energizing. And then, I realized that her friendship was like quicksand, the more I kept on falling into it, the harder it became to get out of it.

There was a thing about our friendship, It couldn’t be described in words. It brought up emotions that ran right from agony to ecstasy. It inspired me to accomplish some of the craziest and the most improbable feats. Her friendship was a formidable force as it made me happier than I had ever been and, at times, it made me sadder than I had ever been. I could pretty much recognize the emotions associated with our friendship, but finding words to describe those emotions was quite a daunting task.

To be Continued…..

PS photo credit : Google

Chapter 1

The Valentine Day

Those cups of coffee that happened to be lying in front of my very eyes…. The feeling of warmth began ebbing. Her eyes held me tightly in its grip, but I had the power to resist. It feels helpless if you have a cup of coffee in your hand and you are staring at the most beautiful girl…..

The next thing I remember is nothing but her eyes flooding with questions when both of us had finally managed to take out time in order to have a cup of coffee. 

While I was having coffee with her, I realized that coffee is a lot more than just a drink. It was a way of spending time with her. It was a never-ending moment. The moment coffee fell into my stomach, there was a commotion. Ideas began marching like the battalions of the grand army. To her as well, coffee was way more than just a drink; it was a moment of pleasure. Both of us believed that coffee made us severe, stern and philosophical.

To be Continued…..

PS: photo source Google

The Man

The Man

Some things are far beyond our control. No matter how hard we try, we just can’t see them coming. Today, I officially declare myself as The Man. Not by choice. Not by want. Just by fate. Had no idea that it was going to happen..

I never set out to be The Man. I have set out to be many things in my life (A Businessman, A Writer, A Painter, A not so successful blogger) but everything that I have set out to become on my own terms, has failed. The things that I did not set out to become, that I became as a result of necessity, destiny or practicality (security) seem to be the things at which I succeed.

To be Continued….

Toxic Relationship #01

​

Dated 30-12-16

So many questions cross my mind. I felt torn by doubts and jealousy. Why was I feeling jealous, I did’t really know. All these words were just words of few syllables so far to me, jealousy, love, possessiveness, doubts, longing, etc. but now I was actually feeling some of these feelings. Where was I heading? There must have been other people too in her life. This thought drove me crazy, though I did not know why. Will I ever know?

PS photo credit :: Google